Robert Rodriguez's Craziest, Most Badass Characters
By Evan Saathoff
Tex-Mexploitation director Robert Rodriguez has made a career of presenting us with crazy badasses, many of whom he kills off on film without a second thought because he himself is the craziest badass of all. Here are ten Rodriguez characters you should stay away from in a dark alley.
Machete (Machete, Machete Kills)
Grim, grumpy and grizzled day laborer Machete don't text, but in the original movie he does lop off more than a few heads on his way to bedding Jessica Alba and he takes a whack at immigration policy while he's at it. In the sequel, he goes after Mel Gibson aiming a warhead at the U.S. Next up? Space!
Luthor Voz (Machete Kills)
Mel Gibson's villainous character earns a spot on the list simply for sword fighting Machete while wearing a cape. It doesn't get much more badass than that.
Rogelio Torrez (Machete)
It's hard to find a bigger action icon than Steven Seagal. Rogelio Torrez gets bonus points for performing clumsy Seppuku on himself after Machete stabs him in the gut.
Marv (Sin City)
This lovable lunkhead takes some huge hits but keeps coming back for more. His soft heart might be the biggest indication that Rodriguez didn't actually create the character. But he's still a violent psychopath.
Abby (Planet Terror)
Planet Terror's nutso plot goes all over the place, but one thing's for sure: this guy has a real thing for cutting off his victim's testicles. That he's played by Lost's Naveen Andrews just makes him more wonderful and bizarre.
Sands (Once Upon a Time in Mexico)
Diabolical, charming, and more than a little crazy, you never know what this guy will do next. If you have him over for dinner, make absolutely certain you don't cook (or do anything else) too well.
Cherry Darling (Planet Terror)
Losing a leg in the middle of a zombie breakout is serious business. But if you replace that leg with a machine gun, you're probably going to have a pretty good time.
The Toymaker (Spy Kids 3D: Game Over)
Spy Kids 3D is worth seeing for Stallone alone. Not just one Stallone, either. A whole handful, each one more hilarious than the last.
El Mariachi (Desperado)
The Mariachi went through a remarkable metamorphosis between El Mariachi and this sequel. Initially, he was just some guy. Then he became Antonio Banderas. Also, his girlfriend became Salma Hayek. Badass all around.
Santanico Pandemonium (From Dusk Til Dawn)
Salma Hayek appears in many Robert Rodriguez films, but here she plays a stripper vampire who dances with snakes and lets Quentin Tarantino suck her toes. So clearly, this is the best of their collaborations.