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By Derrick Deane
Whether he's trying to remember if he's ever been sick, helping a little kid who sees dead people or yippie-kai-yaying bad guys, Bruce Willis has one-lined his movies to $2.9 billion and counting. With A Good Day to Die Hard hitting theaters on Valentine's Day, we thought it high time to take a look back at the greatest bits of dialogue (or improv) the prolific star's ever spoken.
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Blind Date (1987)
Character: Walter Davis Inquiring about a pending blind date... Quote: "Ted, are we talking a loss of inhibitions here, or does she pee on the floor?"
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Die Hard (1988)
Character: Officer John McClane Answering terrorist Hans Gruber on the walkie-talkie... Quote: "Yippie-kai-yay ****** ******."
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Die Hard (1988)
Character: Officer John McClane While crawling through an air duct... Quote: "Now I know what a TV dinner feels like."
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Die Hard (1988)
Character: Officer John McClane After killing a terrorist and trying to put on his shoes... Quote: "Nine million terrorists in the world and I gotta kill the one with feet smaller than my sister."
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Die Hard (1988)
Character: Officer John McClane After shoving a terrorist out of one of the high-rise windows to get the attention of Reginald VelJohnson's Sgt. Al Powell... Quote: "Welcome to the party, pal."
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Look Who's Talking (1989)
Character: Voice of Mikey Right after being born... Quote: "This has to be the weirdest day of my life... well, so far."
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Look Who's Talking (1989)
Character: Voice of Mikey Quote: "Help! Help! Someone burp me before I blow up!"
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Die Hard 2 (1990)
Character: Lt. John McClane While waiting for a fax to come thru, he answers the desk clerk's request for drinks later, showing her his wedding ring... Quote: "Just the fax, ma'am. Just the fax."
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The Last Boy Scout (1991)
Character: Joe Hallenbeck Quote: "The sky is blue, water is wet, women have secrets."
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The Last Boy Scout (1991)
Character: Joe Hallenbeck To Damon Wayans' Jimmy Dix... Quote: "This is the 90's. You can't just walk up and slap a guy. You have to say something cool first."
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Hudson Hawk (1991)
Character: Hudson Hawk Quote: "Is looking like a constipated warthog a prerequisite for getting a job in the art world?"
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Death Becomes Her (1992)
Character: Dr. Ernest Menville Quote: "Where did you put my wife? The morgue?! She'll be furious!"
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Striking Distance (1993)
Character: Det. Tom Hardy Quote: "There's an old Irish saying: Don't listen to old Italian sayings."
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Striking Distance (1993)
Character: Det. Tom Hardy Quote: "Maybe you need a drink to ease the pain of being wrong."
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Color of Night (1994)
Character: Dr. Bill Capa Quote: "In the what-I-wait-for department, you're it, baby."
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Pulp Fiction (1994)
Character: Butch Coolidge To his girlfriend, Fabienne, who wants to know where he got the motorcycle and who Zed is... Quote: "Zed's dead baby. Zed's dead."
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Die Hard with a Vengeance (1995)
Character: John McClane Inside the elevator of the Federal Reserve Bank... Quote: "Hot in here, or am I just scared to death?"
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Twelve Monkeys (1995)
Character: James Cole Quote: "Look at them. They're just asking for it. Maybe the human race deserves to be wiped out."
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Last Man Standing (1996)
Character: John Smith To David Patrick Kelly's Doyle... Quote: "I'm surprised you aren't mad at me ... I thought you might hold it against me for killing three of your guys."
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The Fifth Element (1997)
Character: Korben Dallas Answering the policeman who asks him if he's classified as a human... Quote: "Negative. I'm a meat popsicle."
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Armaggedon (1998)
Character: Harry Stamper Quote: "I ain't gonna kill him. I'm just gonna take one foot off of him. A man can work with one foot."
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The Siege (1998)
Character: Major General William Devereaux Quote: "The CIA didn't know the Berlin Wall was coming down until bricks started hitting them in the head."
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The Sixth Sense (1999)
Character: Dr. Malcolm Crowe After Haley Joel Osment's Cole Sear tells him he sees dead people... Quote: "Dead people like, in graves? In coffins? ... How often do you see them?"
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Breakfast of Champions (1999)
Character: Dwayne Hoover Quote: "It's all life until you're dead."
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The Kid (2000)
Character: Russ Duritz To Spencer Breslin's Rusty Duritz... Quote: "There's safety in sandwiches."
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The Whole Nine Yards (2000)
Character: Jimmy "The Tulip" Tudeski Quote: "It's not important how many people I've killed. What's important is how I get along with the people who are still alive."
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The Whole Nine Yards (2000)
Character: Jimmy "The Tulip" Tudeski Quote: "I'm telling you this like a friend because if you screw this up ... I would hate to ... I would really hate to have to kill you. I would hate it more than mayonnaise. You know how much I hate mayonnaise."
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Unbreakable (2000)
Character: David Dunn To Robin Wright's Audrey Dunn... Quote: "I want to ask you a question. It's gonna sound strange, just think about it for a second, okay. When was the last time I was sick? Do you remember?"
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Bandits (2001)
Character: Joseph "Joe" Blake Responding to Cate Blanchett's reaction to him knowing the lyrics to a certain song... Quote: "Yeah. Bonnie Tyler. 'Total Eclipse of the Heart.' It's the ultimate sappy chick song."
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Tears of the Sun (2003)
Character: Lt. A.K. Waters After Pierrino Mascarino's Father Gianni says, 'Go with God!'... Quote: "God already left Africa."
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The Whole Ten Yards (2004)
Character: Jimmy "The Tulip" Tudeski Quote: "How many adoption agencies are gonna give a kid to a professional killer? Maybe I can just steal a kid. They're small. How hard can it be?"
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Hostage (2005)
Character: Jeff Talley Quote: "You know what cops do when they retire? They play golf. I don't want to play golf. I hate golf!"
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Sin City (2005)
Character: Hartigan Narrating... Quote: "Sometimes the truth doesnt matter like it ought. But you'll always remember things right. That's gonna mean a lot to me. But stay away, Nancy. They'll kill you if you don't stay away. Don't visit me. Don't write me. Don't even say my name."
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Sin City (2005)
Character: Hartigan Narrating... Quote: "And after I pull off that miracle, maybe I'll go punch out God."
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Sin City (2005)
Character: Hartigan Narrating... Quote: "When it comes to reassuring a traumatized 19-year-old, I'm about as expert as a palsy victim doing brain surgery with a pipe wrench."
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Lucky Number Slevin (2006)
Character: Mr. Goodkat Quote: "The reason I'm in town, in case you're wondering, is because of a Kansas City Shuffle. A Kansas City Shuffle is when everybody looks right, you go left."
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16 Blocks (2006)
Character: Det. Jack Mosley Quote: "Days change, seasons change. People don't change."
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Live Free or Die Hard (2007)
Character: John McClane Answering Justin Long's Matt Farrell's amazement at watching McClane guide a police car up into a helicopter... Quote: "I was out of bullets."
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What Just Happened? (2008)
Character: Himself Delivering a eulogy for a Hollywood agent... Quote: "Hunter S. Thompson once said to me: 'Bruce, my boy, the movie business is a cruel and shallow money trench, where thieves and pimps run free and good men die like dogs.' And then he added, 'There's also a negative side.'"
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Cop Out (2010)
Character: Jimmy Monroe After hitting Tracy Morgan's Paul Hodges... Quote: "I was in the moment and the moment said, 'Smack you.'"
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Red (2010)
Character: Frank Moses
To Karl Urban's CIA Agent Cooper, while he has him in a wrestling lock...and right before he snaps his shoulder out of the socket...
Quote: Frank - "Kordeski trained you?"
Cooper - "Yeah"
Frank - "I trained Kordeski." -
Moonrise Kingdom (2012)
Character: Captain Sharp
To Jared Gilman's Sam
Quote:That's very eloquent. I can't argue against anything you're saying. But then again, I don't have to, 'cause you're 12 years old. -
Expendables 2 (2012)
Character: Church
During gun-fight, taking cover next to Arnold Schwarzenegger's Trench
Quote:Trench: I'll be back.
Church: You've been back enough. I'll be back. [leaves]
Trench: Yippee-ki-yay. -
Looper (2012)
Character: Old Joe
Sitting at diner talking with Joseph Gordon-Levitt's Joe
Quote: Joe: ... so why don't you do what old men do and die!
Old Joe: Why don't you just take your little gun out from between your legs and do it... boy.
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