Who Wins the Great Boxing Matches That Never Were?

Sylvester Stallone and Robert DeNiro star in Grudge Match as long-retired boxers who are lured back to the ring for a final fight. They play fictional characters known as "Razor" and "The Kid," but, really, when we see Stallone we think of Rocky Balboa, and DeNiro makes us think of the real-life Jake LaMotta (from Raging Bull), and dream of a fight between them. Who would win? And who would win other great movie boxing matches that never were?

Rocky Balboa vs. Jake LaMotta

The Opponents:
Sylvester Stallone in Rocky
Robert DeNiro in Raging Bull

The Outcome: Both fighters are willing to take physical punishment and never go down, but Rocky Balboa is more willing to study his opponent and listen to his advisors in order to win. He waits for openings and scores dozens of points with the judges due to his boxing smarts. Jake LaMotta lands a lot of punches, but gets his face destroyed yet again.

Winner: Rocky Balboa

The Winner: Rocky Balboa, in a split decision.

Rocky Graziano vs. Midge

The Opponents:
Paul Newman in Somebody Up There Likes Me
Kirk Douglas in Champion

The Outcome: The fictional Midge Kelly gets by on brute strength and a vicious mean streak; he can certainly inflict damage to an opponent, though his personal life reveals him to an unrepentant heel. The real-life Rocky Graziano rises up from the streets and becomes a better person for it, while still packing a deadly punch that can lay a man flat.

Winner: Rocky Graziano

The Winner: Rocky Graziano, winner by a knockout in the fifth round.

Billy Flynn vs. Kid Natural

The Opponents:
Jon Voight in The Champ
Ryan O'Neal in The Main Event

The Outcome: O'Neal is a charming actor, and has some experience in the Golden Gloves (amateur boxing tournaments), but "Kid Natural" is only pressed into service as a prizefighter because Streisand is in desperate need of cash and owns his contract. So he's adequate and in no way a champion to compare with Billy Flynn, a former champ who retired to devote himself to raising his son. Flynn is well-motivated to train well and fight hard.

Winner: Billy Flynn

The Winner: Billy Flynn, with a knockout in the second round.

Butch Coolidge vs. Lincoln Tyler

The Opponents:
Bruce Willis in Pulp Fiction
Stan Shaw in Snake Eyes

The Outcome: Both fictional boxers have agreed to take dives in order to pay off large debts to gangsters. Lincoln Tyler is the current reigning champion, and obviously a skilled fighter. Butch Coolidge has the upper hand, though, because he is willing to double-cross a murderous criminal and is thus an unpredictable menace to the more plodding Tyler.

Winner: Butch

The Winner: Butch Coolidge, winner by a knockout in the fifth round.

Maggie Fitzgerald vs. Diana Guzman

The Opponents:
Hilary Swank in Million Dollar Baby
Michelle Rodriguez in Girlfight

The Outcome: Both women are tough and dedicated fighters. Maggie has an advantage because she's better trained, while Diana retains her street toughs and is more aggressive. This is a tough one to call; the fight goes the distance.

Winner: Diana Guzman

The Winner: Diana Guzman, winner in a split decision.

Jim Braddock vs. Micky Ward

The Opponents
Russell Crowe in Cinderella Man
Mark Wahlberg in The Fighter

The Outcome: By all rights, Braddock should dominate the match; he's a heavyweight and Ward is a welterweight (i.e., many pounds lighter). Braddock is a great fighter, but so is Ward, and Ward is younger and more nimble. A bruising fight goes the distance.

Winner: Micky Ward

The Winner: Micky Ward, in a controversial split decision.

Sean Thornton vs. Walter Gulick

The Opponents:
Elvis Presley in Kid Galahad
John Wayne in The Quiet Man

The Outcome: Content to be an auto mechanic, Walter only becomes a boxer because he needs the money. He'd be happy to retire from the ring and spend time with the love of his life. That's similar to Sean, who has shied away from boxing ever since he accidentally killed an opponent. He'd be happy to stay retired and spend time with the love of his life. Between the two, however, Sean has the advantage in reach and body weight, and has the more explosive punch.

Winner: Sean Thornton

The Winner: Sean Thornton, winner by unanimous decision after the fight goes the full 15 rounds.

Muhammad Ali vs. Tyler Durden

The Opponents:
Muhammad Ali in The Greatest
Brad Pitt in Fight Club

The Outcome: We all know Tyler is a nervy, scrappy fighter who loves to punch, and can take a beating, too. But he's facing an even more confident boxer, a man who is fast on his feet and can deliver a blow that will lift a man off his feet. Tyler can't lay a glove -- or a bare-knuckle fist -- on him.