With Pain & Gain, we can count on one thing: muscles. Both Mark Wahlberg and Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson have used their pecs, glutes and biceps to great effect on the big screen. Johnson seems bigger than ever in his recent roles in G.I. Joe: Retaliation and the Fast & Furious franchise. But how have these muscle men evolved? We're no scientists, so let’s focus on their screen history.
Even though Elmo Lincoln started playing Tarzan, it was Johnny Weissmuller who had greater success with the role starting in 1932. Can’t you see why? Actually, by today’s standards, you really can’t. The most chiseled thing about Weissmuller was his face, though his body did win five gold medals swimming at the Olympics. Even if you’ve never seen one of his 12 films as the ape man, his Tarzan yell is easily the best known.
Sure, Kirk Douglas, Charlton Heston and John Wayne were iconic men’s men, but none were known for their muscles first. In 1958, bodybuilder Steve Reeves starred in Hercules, and his life was never the same. Most regard The Thief of Baghdad as his best film, but it’s Reeves physique that is remembered. Most bodybuilders consider his 18.5-inch arms, calves and neck to be the perfect proportion.
In the 1980s, muscles were king. Leading the way was an Austrian bodybuilder named Ah-nold Arnold Schwarzenegger. He tried to parlay his success as a five-time Mr. Universe into a Hollywood heavyweight, but it took a few misfires like Hercules in New York (credited as Arnold Strong) before Conan the Barbarian in 1982. He never looked bigger than as a one-man wrecking crew in Commando, and as he has explained before, “It’s not a tumor.”
Van Damme kicked his way into our hearts with Bloodsport. His nickname is even about his body (“The Muscles from Brussels”). He continued Schwarzenegger’s trend of having muscles meant you could barely speak English. It’s tough to rank which Van Damme misstep is the biggest, but “Double” is probably in the title, whether it’s co-starring with Dennis Rodman in Double Team, or with himself in Double Impact.
At the end of the 1990s, there was a new kind of muscle gaining popularity. It was called “the brain,” though it still helped if you had a perfect six-pack. The quintessential example of this is Brad Pitt as Tyler Durden in Fight Club. It was as if his body fat percentage was a negative number. Everything about the once normal-built Pitt was sinew. It makes perfect sense his first uncredited on-screen appearance was in the film Hunk (avoid this film).
Forget the martini, Daniel Craig as James Bond had us all shaken and stirred the moment he emerged from the ocean. Craig took over the franchise in 2006’s Casino Royale, and perhaps gave the best Bond with Skyfall. While no one would call Sean Connery, Roger Moore, George Lazenby, Timothy Dalton or Pierce Brosnan flabby, you also wouldn’t take them in a fight over Craig.
Gerard Butler and his marauding soldiers made men in the audience panic over those muscles. With 300 there was even a movie-inspired workout for dudes to try to get those bodies (loincloths optional). Butler won’t be back this year as 300 continues with 300: Rise of an Empire. Let’s ponder if it’s because he wanted to avoid the workouts, not the difficulty of resurrecting his character.
Admit it, you thought we'd forgotten him. How could we leave out the man who helped Ronald Reagan bring down the Cold War with Rocky IV? What’s even more impressive than that is Stallone being 66 years old when he made Bullet to the Head. What did your grandpa look like at that age? Stallone is willing to take do whatever it takes to keep those muscles.
Ryan Reynolds might have been at his beefiest in Blade Trinity, but he was still wearing clothes. In Green Lantern his entire superhero suit was CGI. That’s bold. Actually, if it was John Goodman it would be bold. If you're built like Reynolds, you might as well. Even thought the movie didn’t win over many fans, somehow he was able to convince us he had even more definition than Pitt’s Tyler Durden.
He’s huge in Bronson, Warrior and The Dark Knight Rises. His shoulders even have shoulders. So when Chris Pine seemed to tower over him in This Means War, we were shocked. He’s 5’9”, which means he’s as tiny as Stallone. Then again, let's not tell either guy we called them "tiny."
It’s raining men, and some of you would say, “hallelujah.” Channing Tatum proved to be funny with 21 Jump Street, but it’s Magic Mike that most will remember from 2012. No one seemed to mind that he forgot to put on a shirt under that tie. Now that he’s a star, he can probably afford health insurance and let a doctor figure out what those lumps are on the side of his bod.
Who's your favorite muscled man onscreen?
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