Of all the daughters in all the movies ever made, the last one you’d ever want to mess with is the girl belonging to tough guy Bryan Mills (Liam Neeson) from the Taken series. Remember, he has a special set of skills -- he knows how to track you down, which means he knows how to make you hurt. As a result, Mills is automatically one of the best dads ever. Here are 10 ways to boost your Father of the Year status, according to Bryan.
Always Carry a Cell Phone
If your kid has a cell phone, she’ll always be able to call you if/when she gets “taken,” offering you an opportunity to scare her kidnappers into submission.
Enforce a Strict Seatbelt Policy
You never know when you will have to drive your kid out of violent situations at high speeds. In such trying times, always make sure your kid is wearing a safety belt. It’s the law.
No Smoking, Drinking, Swearing, etc.
Your kid is a reflection of you, and you don’t want that reflection to show the world anything ugly. Make sure your kid is squeaky clean from the inside out.
Get Her a Really Lame Birthday Present
Rich stepdads can buy all the ponies they want. If you desire real affection from your kid, get her something she won’t like as a way of teaching her how little material possessions matter in this harsh and cruel world. She’ll thank you later.
Don’t Visit Home Much
Absence makes the heart grow fonder. No kid loves the parent who sticks around as much as they love the phantom parent who misses Christmas because he’s (naturally) too busy snapping necks in Bolivia.
Have a Bunch of Cool Friends
No one likes a lame loser who can’t make pals of his own. Show your daughter how cool you are by inviting her to one of your ex-special forces BBQ parties. You can even give her a non-alcoholic beer.
Keep Her Away from Martial Arts
You do not want a rugged warrior for a kid. Make sure that when she needs help, your kid has you and only you to call upon for help. That won’t work if she can take care of bad guys herself.
Let Her See the World
The world can sometimes be a dangerous, scary place for a young lady. So let your kid get out there and experience it to its fullest. If she gets in a jam, you can always bail her out with your super macho skills. You do have super macho skills, don’t you?
Know How to Kill People with Your Pinkie
Some dads know how to fix cars. Some dads can even remodel a house. But the best dads are the dads who know how to end a guy six times before they hit the ground.
Be Liam Neeson
This is the hardest one, but where there’s a will there is a way! If you can manage to become the incomparable Liam Neeson, you will have achieved ultimate dad status -- and your kid will love you forever.
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