The Fantasy: You take your family to the movies, enjoy two hours of cinematic magic, leave the theater and have a thoughtful conversation about the merits of the movie on the way home. 

The Reality: You take your family to the movies; endure two hours of interruptions, annoyances and evil glares from strangers. You are so stressed from the two hours of sitting in the dark with your action-packed children that you leave the theater with symptoms resembling PTSD. 

As a public service to your family and ours, here are the five most annoying things kids do when going to the movies--and what you can do to make it stop.

The Begging for Treats

In case you didn’t get the memo, kids LOVE treats — an ALL-CAPS love. So tip number one: Avoid the concession stand like it could give you the plague. One glimpse at the Red Vines, the Raisinets and the Milk Duds, and they won’t stop pestering you until they get some sugar flowing through their veins. Instead, fill up on healthier treats before going to the movie. Rather than a jumbo pack of Mike and Ike’s, what about frozen yogurt with strawberries or raspberries on top? Here's a list of some alternatives to candy.  Also, make sure the pretheater treat is in metered-out moderation, because a sugar rush and sitting still are two things that do not go together.

The Kicking of the Seats

We’ve all been victim to the seat kicker (and it's not always a kid). As parents, it is our civic duty to not raise children who grow up to be that public enemy number one. Solving this is easy: Once settled in, steal your child’s shoes. The sound and feeling of shoe rubber hitting the back of a seat is the chair kicker's reward. Take away their shoes and not only will the allure be lost, it'll hurt.

The Talking During the Movie

Kids are curious. They ask questions, need verification, and sometimes they just enjoy hearing themselves speak. While we want to encourage our kids to be curious, no one, and I mean no one wants to hear a child babbling nonstop during a movie. Instruct your children to hold off on all questions and comments until after the film. Bribe them, if you must (ie: break tip number one).

The Bathroom Break

So, you are RIGHT in the middle of the movie, a pivotal scene, a not-to-be-missed moment—and the whining starts. “Mom, I need to go potty. No really, I need to go NOW.” You then have to navigate the aisle with a repeated refrain of “Excuse me, sorry, excuse me, so sorry, excuse me.” Not only have you inconvenienced your fellow moviegoers, but you and your child have likely missed an important plot point. How do you avoid the dreaded mid-movie potty break?

Obviously, do not buy a megasized soft drink at the concession stand. There is no reason any child needs to drink 40 ounces of pop. Make sure that your kids use the bathroom before the movie. Ensure this by getting to the theater early, which is actually win-win. Get there with enough time to throw your coats down on your choice seats, and then leisurely take the brood to the stalls.  

The Crying

Crying can be unavoidable when taking a child to a movie, and the younger the child, the worse you're in for. Here's a tip for ya: don’t take your baby to the movies. Yes, you may REALLY want to see Wolf of Wall Street but no other moviegoer is going to want the expletive-filled dialogue interrupted by your child’s wailing. And anyway, who brings a baby or little kid to a movie like that, unless you're ready to fork out the cost of therapy later?

Bottom line: If you do feel the need to bring your not-ready-for-the-movie-experience child to the movies, don’t try to calm them in their seat. Go out to the lobby. It’s really the right thing to do.