It's been eight years since the first Jackass movie was released. As the boys venture into the world of 3D in Jackass 3D, we take a self-censored look back at some of the classic moments from the past two movies. Warning: some of these may make you kind of sick...if not, seek help...
By Derrick Deane
Stunt: Alligator Nipple Bite The Set-up: A man holds a small alligator up to Johnny Knoxville’s chest. The animal bites Knoxville’s nipple. The Result: As if the picture doesn't illustrate, the stunt results in Knoxville screaming in pain for about a minute and a half.
Stunt: Anaconda Ball Pit The Set-Up: Knoxville, Ryan Dunn and Wee Man try to fish an anaconda out of a children’s ball pit. The Result: Knoxville suffers a couple snake bites to the arm accompanied with plenty of expletives and laughs.
Stunt: Big Red Rocket The Set-Up: Knoxville tries to ride a giant red rocket over a lake. The Result: On the first try, the top of the rocket explodes off. On the second try, Knoxville shoots up into the air about 60 feet before flipping upside down. He loses his grip and of course takes the plunge.
Stunt: Yak Charge The Set-Up: Wearing a bright red shirt, Knoxville jumps into a pen blindfolded. He lights a cigarette, then braces for the impact. The Result: The yak hits Knoxville square in the gut, flipping him end over end over end. He limps away in severe pain.
Stunt: Bungee Wedgie The Set-Up: Chris Raab suffers the ultimate wedgie by jumping in bungee equipped underwear from a tree branch. The Result: On the first attempt, he falls face-first into the ground after his underwear rips. On take two, he’s left hanging.
Stunt: Cart Launcher The Set-Up: The boys take turns riding a shopping cart that gets launched across a loading dock at up to 70 mph. Bam Magera quickly closes the loading dock’s door seconds before Ryan Dunn is launched. The Result: A violent collision with the metal door and a ton of ouch for Dunn.
Stunt: Fart Mask The Set-Up: The boys borrow a classic "punishment" from the Japanese version of Silent Library and take it a step further. Steve-O puts on a sealed helmet with a tube that connects to a funnel which Preston Lacy lays gas (and other things) in. The Result: Steve-O gags. Steve-O vomits inside helmet. Steve-O rips off helmet. Steve-O vomits some more.
Stunt: Fishing with Steve-O The Set-Up: As if fishing for sharks wasn’t dangerous enough, Steve-O offers himself up as bait. He has a large fish hook pierced thru his cheek and is thrown overboard. The Result: Fortunately, the sharks aren’t in the mood for Steve-O on this particular day. Except perhaps the one Steve-O kicks in the face.
Stunt: Alligator Tightrope The Set-Up: The goal is for Steve-O to walk a tightrope across an alligator pit, while the hungry reptiles try to grab an easy meal from above. Oh, and his jockstrap is stuffed with raw chicken. Of course. The Result: Steve-O takes a couple steps before losing his balance and falling into the pit. He manages to pull himself back up and starts to scoot along the tightrope as the alligators lunge at him from below. At about halfway down the rope, he falls into the pit. Deciding that there's no way he's going to make it all the way across, they stuff the chunk of raw chicken in the back of Steve-O's jockstrap and have one of the alligators snap the free meal.
Stunt: Leech Eye The Set-Up: Steve-O goes against doctor’s recommendations (there’s a shocker) and attaches a bloodsucking leech to the cornea of his eye. The Result: General squeamishness and discomfort, but Steve-O survives.
Stunt: Medicine Dodge Ball The Set-Up: Five Jackasses. Medicine balls. A small room with no light. You can see where this is going. The Result: About a minute of the guys throwing and slamming medicine balls at each other. Good thing none of them got hit in the head, although, at this point, that might not be such a bad thing.
Stunt: Papercuts The Set-Up: Steve-O gets a papercut inflicted on the edges of his mouth via a manila envelope. Also, papercuts are inflicted on the webbing between fingers and in between toes. The Result: Definitely not for the squeamish. Or the cameraman, who ends up vomiting.
Stunt: Bottle Rocket Roller Skates The Set-Up: Roller skates + bottle rockets + Johnny Knoxville. The Result: The first try is an immediate fail. The second try results in some success, before Knoxville faceplants into a patch of grass. On the third and final try, Knoxville gets some speed going but can't quite make the turn and faceplants again on a patch of grass as the bottle rockets shoot off around him.
Stunt: Butt X-Ray The Set-Up: Ryan Dunn sticks a toy car up his butt with the help of a condom and lubricant. The Result: The boys head to the hospital to have an X-ray taken. The doctor can only summarize in disbelief, saying, “That’s not a part of you.”
Stunt: Wasabi Shooter The Set-Up: Pretty straight forward. Steve-O snorts wasabi from a plate. The Result: Lots of colorful and graphic throwing up.
Stunt: Horse Milk The Set-Up: Knoxville, Chris Pontius and Steve-O obtain a sperm sample from a studded horse. Then, Pontius takes a sip. The Result: As if the facial expressions don't give you an idea of how disgusting this stunt is, Knoxville and Steve-O jump around shouting in horrified disbelief. It is easily one of the most eww-inducing, gross-out moments in movie history. Congratulations, jackasses.
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