Every Friday night, Movies.com sends cinephiles (and newlyweds) Sarah and Joe Piccirillo to see a film. Afterwards, they answer a few questions about it. Below is their discussion.
The Counselor
Synopsis: The counselor (Michael Fassbender) and his associates (Javier Bardem, Brad Pitt) navigate through the morally ambiguous world of drug trafficking. With Cameron Diaz and two cheetahs.
Was this a good date movie?
Joe: Yes. It’s not sexy in a real, adult way, but more in that 13-year-old vision of sex, which might just send you out of the theater thinking like your horny teenage selves.
Sarah: Despite the misogyny, it’s not a bad date movie. Films with this many big stars can be distracting and fun regardless of the plot.
This is Cormac McCarthy’s first story written directly for the screen. How did he do?
Sarah: I had NO idea this wasn’t a book first. My main complaint is that the actors seem to exchange long monologues rather than actually communicate. It seems like the kind of thing that works in a novel but not in a movie.
"I don't get it."
Joe: Right. His books set a tone that allows for bloviating, but when every main character answers perfunctory questions with long-winded, metaphor-laden monologues, it veers into ridiculousness.
Sarah: Main characters? EVERYONE is a long-winded philosopher. Drug traffickers? Socratic prophets. Mexican dive bar owner? Sage guide. Head of the drug cartel? Longest phone-talker ever.
Joe: There’s also a lot of sloppy foreshadowing. In the movie, when a character mentions an electronic noose in the first five minutes, you know that we’re going to see a character killed with one. By the time it happens, I thought, oh right. That thing.
What drove you nuts?
Joe: Movies with ambition can’t just work on the allegory level; they have to also be entertaining. When a jeweler tells the counselor a five-minute story about a “cautionary diamond” (get it?!) I wanted a manager to chastise the guy: “Steve! The man wants a diamond, not a story!”
Sarah: The symbolism. Penelope Cruz is all sweet and pure so she wears lots of white. Cameron Diaz owns cheetahs because they’re predators and she has a cheetah tattoo and a cheetah-inspired dye job.
Because cheetahs.
Joe: Why does a wealthy, sleazy lawyer still have court-appointed clients? At some point in the drug business, you should probably ditch your entry-level day job.
What will you be thinking about tomorrow?
Joe: I like that the consequences for every one of the characters were based on actions that occurred in the first five minutes of the movie. Essentially, the choices we see them make are irrelevant; their fates have already been determined. Another working title for this movie could be American Midlife Crisis.
Sarah: The counselor encounters some of the nicest and intelligent criminals ever to hide $20 million worth of drugs in a septic tank.
Joe: I keep thinking that Michael Fassbender looks like Dr. Tim Whatley [Bryan Cranston] in the antidentite episode of Seinfeld.
Sarah: I’ll be thinking about Cameron Diaz having sex with Javier Bardem’s car.
Joe: Everybody will be thinking about that.
Verdict
Joe: See it. It's a good litmus test. If your date identifies with Penelope Cruz' character, she's a keeper; if she sees herself as the Cameron Diaz character, run for the hills.
Sarah and Joe are writers/editors who live in Boston. They met in a bar and married within a year. They love to argue about early Woody Allen films and old romantic comedies. They both agree to hate musicals.
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