The Alamo Drafthouse has quickly garnered a reputation as one of the greatest movie theaters in the history of mankind…or at least the history of movie theaters. With their signature events, ample food and drink selection, and strict no-talking policy, they make obsolete all tawdry multiplexes and completely redefine the movie-going experience. Here’s what they’re up to this week!
Wayne’s World Quote-Along
Alamo Ritz 7/5 7:00pm
There are many reasons to attend a Wayne’s World quote-along. The memorable lines from the film are indeed excellent, and will appear karaoke style on the screen so you’ll have a totally awesome time shouting them out. But it is also one of the best film adaptations of an SNL sketch ever, and there aren’t many that succeed. Most of all however, the film was directed by Penelope Spheeris and she is, in terms of artistry and intellect, a total babe. After belting out another rousing chorus of “Bohemian Rhapsody” at the screening, go track down Dudes, The Boys Next Door, and The Decline of Western Civilization.
Summer of 1982: Tron
Alamo Ritz 7/6-7/8 Check Daily Times
The last of the tentpole film The Summer of 1982 showcases is the sci-fi computergasm known as Tron. If you’ve ever played a videogame in your life and, even for a moment, flirted with the desire to travel inside the game to meet your pixilated foes in a more direct form of combat, Tron was gift-wrapped for you by the 8-bit gods. There are those who claim that Tron is a dated film, they do so at their own peril. While special effects do have the capacity to be archaic, the spectacle and magic of Tron is timeless. Grab your identity disk, fill your pockets with quarters, and head down to the Alamo, man.
Master Pancake: Twilight Eclipse
Alamo South Lamar 7/6 7:00pm; 10:00pm; Alamo Ritz 7/7 7:00pm; 10:00pm
The Master Pancake crew has proven time and time again that there is nothing they can’t mock. From the cheesiest schlock to the most epic of blockbusters, these guys are indeed masters of the lampoon. However, when a movie franchise is as unrepentantly bad, and as inexplicably popular, as Twilight, you can expect an elevation in the hilarity threat level. Having seen the MP squad roast the glittery, broody mess that was the first Twilight movie, I can only imagine what funny bones they will tickle while ripping apart the second chapter. I anticipate the Alamo staff will have lots of glitter to clean off the stage afterwards.
Girlie Night: Steel Magnolias
Alamo Lake Creek 7/11 7:00pm
There is something written into the genetic code of every male that is supposed to preclude us from recommending movies set in beauty salons. But I’ll be a country bumpkin if Steel Magnolias doesn’t make me laugh every time. Just look at this cast, LOOK AT IT! We’ve got Shirley MacLaine, Olympia Dukakis, Sally Field, Julia Roberts, Daryl Hannah, and the busty, chicken-fried princess Dolly Parton. As Girlie Night fare goes, Steel Magnolias could not be more perfect, though it may produce in you the very real and very insatiable craving for biscuits and gravy.
The Best of Houston
Hecklevision: Red Dawn
Alamo Mason Park 7/5 7:30pm
In honor of our nation’s birthday, why not enjoy a movie that reminds us of the greatest threat to our national freedom: RussoCubans! Take two different types of scary 80s Communists, blend them together into a terrifying Super Commie army and parachute that army into the Midwest to take on the cast of, well, the 80s, and you have a gloriously paranoid, hysterically jingoistic red cheese rager that will have you shouting “wolverines” in your sleep.
Weird Wednesday: Demons
Alamo Mason Park 7/11 10:00pm
American bad movies are, oftentimes, bad. Italians on the other hand are not satisfied with their bad movies until they reach a face wrenching, eye-melting threshold; a point at which brains are reduced to primordial mush. Demons takes the standard zombie genre, coats it in cartoon ooze, and jabs it in the veins with a punk rock syringe. The story of a doomed group of theater patrons enjoying a sneak preview of an all-too-real horror film, Demons is everything you demand of schlock with eighteen extra pounds of illogical spectacle piled on top. Directed by the son of Mario Bava, and co-written by Dario Argento, Demons is unlike anything you’ve seen before and missing this chance to see it on the big screen is a mistake laced with doom.
The Best of San Antonio
Bangarang!: The Fifth Element
Alamo Westlakes 7/5 7:00pm; 10:30pm
Before Luc Besson became one of the greatest producers in filmdom, he proved himself as an incredible director. His largest-scale foray into sci-fi was 1997’s garishly brilliant The Fifth Element. Milla Jovovich kicked, flipped, and babbled her way into our hearts as the universe’s last hope for defeating evil while Bruce Willis boldly played Bruce Willis…but lovably. Chris tucker squeals, Gary Oldman chews scenery like bubblegum, and we’re immersed into a future that glaringly resembles an extraterrestrial’s interpretation of Mardi Gras. The 90s didn’t have that many great films, do not miss this chance to visit one at your local Drafthouse.
Alamo Drafthouse Guide
"Welcome to the party, pal."
"I am serious... and don't call me Shirley."
"When am I gonna learn how to punch?"
"These go to eleven."
"Benjamin, have you ever been severely beaten about the face & neck?"
"Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming."
"You're gonna need a bigger boat."
"Jessica's got cable."
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