10 Movie Characters You Don't Want at Your Wedding
By Perri Nemiroff
All Alejandro and Missy want is to get married and live happily ever after. Trouble is, in order to make that happen, Missy’s divorced parents have to pretend to be together to appease Alejandro’s über conservative family. On the bright side, at least none of these other troublemaker movie characters are on the wedding guest list; otherwise, The Big Wedding’s big ruse would spiral further out of control come April 26.
I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell’s Tucker Max
Forget the wedding; you don’t want Tucker Max within arm’s reach of any person, place or thing that’s important to you, or even a bathroom for that matter. If you’ve read the book, you know Tucker is capable of getting into more than his fair share of trouble and insulting everyone along the way in just about any situation, but the 2009 movie in particular, highlights the devastating effects he can have on a wedding.
The Hangover’s Alan
Sure, Alan is cute, cuddly, fuzzy, and means well, but do you really want him roofie-ing half the wedding party the day before the big ceremony? Then again, Mike Tyson mayhem, threats from Chow and a missing groom aside, there is a chance Alan could win you over $80 grand at the blackjack tables in a single night, so perhaps you could just have him pay for anything he breaks – or people he loses.
Hide your enormous cookie cakes; Annie is on the loose! Unless you want to be puking and pooping in your wedding dress or stuck in Casper, Wyoming instead of enjoying your bachelorette party in Vegas, better keep Annie in non-bridesmaid territory. Even then, just to be safe, recruit a Megan armed with nine golden retriever puppies to simulate “life biting you in the a**” to ensure no one trashes your chocolate fountain.
Mamma Mia!’s Sam
Sam Carmichael isn’t a bad guy. He’s a successful architect, all-around sweet person and quite nice to look at, but oh, that voice! Should you be indulging in any random karaoke or happen to be in a situation during which dozens of people might break out in song and choreographed dance at any moment, yank “SOS” from the song list and chop Sam off the guest list – or, better yet, ban Pierce Brosnan.
Rachel Getting Married’s Kym
One of the best parts about your big day is that it’s your big day. Kym does have a legitimate reason to still be feeling the pains of the past, but can’t she just put it behind her for the sake of her sister’s wedding? Why argue and crash cars when you can indulge in a beautiful Indian-themed backyard party? There is just no room for grudges and bad attitudes at weddings.
REC 3’s Uncle Victor
No one likes to hang around sick people, so if you’re not feeling well, don’t go to the wedding. But, even more pressing, if you just got bit by a rabid dog and run the risk of turning into a flesh-eating zombie of sorts right in the middle of the reception, stay far, far away. A blood-soaked wedding gown and a groom literally dressed as a knight in shining armor is never a good thing.
The Ladies of Bachelorette
Regan, Gena and Katie really do want Becky to have the wedding of her dreams, but it’s impossible for those good intentions to shine through their mounds of coke, buckets of booze, and countless bad decisions. Telling very personal secrets, bringing back nasty high school nicknames, ripping the wedding dress, suffering a Xanax overdose and more is just not the way to celebrate your best friend’s big day.
She comes from a wealthy family, could have a stellar career of her own, is the centerpiece of a gorgeous wedding reception and is marrying Alexander Skarsgård; what could Justine possibly have to be unhappy about? At least news of the rogue planet that may crash into Earth doesn’t become an issue until after the party. A little sadness is one thing; a catatonic bride would really suck the life out of a wedding.
Stifler of the American Pie Series
He convinced Jim to set up the webcam resulting in that devastating fling with Nadia, risked their summer jobs to break into a supposed lesbian couple’s home and more, yet Jim still let Stifler come to his wedding? Killing all the flowers was bound to be the least of it. Sure, Stifler did try to redeem himself by fixing the mess he created, but wouldn’t it be easier not to have that mess in the first place?
Jules' Mom from Bend It Like Beckham
Their team makes it to the finals, Mr. Bhamra is finally persuaded to let Jess leave her sister’s wedding to play, and she and Jules score scholarships. The only thing that could possibly put a damper on this ideal day is Jules’ mom storming the scene, yelling about shoes and lesbians. However, neither Jules nor her mother was even on the guest list so better keep an eye out for rogue guests of semi-guests, too.