This Week at the Alamo Drafthouse: Wrestle an Alligator, Mock a Barbarian and Do Some Van Dammage

The Alamo Drafthouse has quickly garnered a reputation as one of the greatest movie theaters in the history of mankind…or at least the history of movie theaters. With their signature events, ample food and drink selection, and strict no-talking policy, they make obsolete all tawdry multiplexes and completely redefine the movie-going experience. Here’s what they’re up to this week!

Alamo Westlakes, San Antonio

Bloodthirsty Thursday: Return of the Living Dead, 8/9 7:30pm; 10:45pm

One of the seminal films in the creation of modern zombie canon, Return of the Living Dead is a simmering slab of '80s marinated in goopy, gooey gore and served with a side of satire. Moreover, it is chiefly responsible for introducing the concept of brain eating to zombie mythology; something that has become an indivisible facet of the undead ever since. Do not miss your chance to see this groundbreaking film, and a very nude Linnea Quigley, on the big screen.

Alamo Ritz, Austin

Master Pancake: Conan the Barbarian, 8/10-8/11 7:00pm; 10:00pm

Every so often, the gentlemen of Master Pancake find it necessary to mock a film I really love. Such is the case with this week’s selection: Conan the Barbarian. Arnold Schwarzenegger has never been more perfectly cast in a film than when he was chosen to portray unintelligible, dopey Neanderthal Conan.

Hecklevision: Super Mario Brothers, 8/12 10:35pm

Super Mario Brothers, like most movies based on video games, is super awful. However, despite the surrounding film’s insurmountable ineptitude, the incredible Bob Hoskins manages to create a rather amiable cinematic representation of the 8-bit world’s favorite plumber. So go ahead and hurl your insults at the screen via text, but be nice to Bob. The guy just announced he was retiring from acting this week.

Terror Tuesday: Alligator, 8/14 10:00pm

Alligator is one of my all time favorite creature features of any era. One of the more creative Jaws rip-offs, Alligator is the nightmarish extrapolation of the old myth about certain reptilian pets being flushed into the sewers of major cities. Whatever you may think of the movie itself, hopelessly likable leading man Robert Forster is one of the true greats and the perpetually sinister Henry Silva turns up to do exactly what he does best: evilocity.

Alamo South Lamar, Austin

Zzangarang! Presents Van Dammage w/The Expendables 2, 8/15 5:00pm

This week, the Alamo brings you a celebration of one of the sequel’s key additions: a kick-crazy Belgian demigod who calls himself Jean-Claude Van Damme. Three surprise JCVD movies will be shown leading up to a special advance screening of The Expendables 2. We may have to change the name temporarily to the Alamo Roundhouse.

Follow along on Twitter @drafthouse @moviesdotcom and @Briguysalisbury

 

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