It's this simple. Do you love bad movies? Do you love the '80s?
Then you need to see Miami Connection – ASAP.
Here's what you'll get. Ninjas. Synthesizers. Fight scenes in slo-mo (that take place in the parking lot of the University of Central Florida). And the awesomeness of a band called Dragon Sound.
Plus, you'll be witness to some of the most hilariously god-awful acting ever committed on screen anywhere, in any genre, at any given moment in cinematic history – and that includes such classic cult films of ineptitude as The Room, Gymkata, Troll 2 and Megaforce.
What's the story about? Not that it matters, but there's a plotline sandwiched in here somewhere about a forbidden romance between the local bearded villain's sister and Dragon Sound's guitar-playing hunkmeister, and a turf war that erupts when the Sound team replaces the bad dude's own musical unit at an Orlando rock club. Of course, there's also a group of ominous, motorcycle-riding ninjas trying to set up shop as the region's ruling druglords. And before things are over, there will be blood, swordplay, high kicks and multiple laugh-out-loud musical montages.
The thing that keeps this humming – besides such pop ditties as "Friends" and "Against the Ninja" – is the air of playful, clueless innocence that pervades this entire low-budget enterprise, courtesy of writer-director-and all-around-Tae-Kwon-do-butt-kicking-master Y.K. Kim. A quarter century after it was unleashed to an audience that simply didn't exist, this celluloid gem has been uncovered as the holy grail of '80s movies that are so completely awful they're brilliant – and likeable to boot.
You'll laugh with and not entirely at the proceedings on display. The scene of the boys playing keep-away from one of their own with a letter sent from the gent's father, and the subsequent "crying" scene may have you giggling in hysterics, but there's enough affection and earnestness in all of this crudity that you'll still want to pass the man a tissue. And then, of course, start laughing all over again at the incredibly ridiculous beach cruising scene – complete with a mustachioed guido pile-driving into a group of bikini babes, and the film's weak – yet funny – imitation of young lovers frolicking in the surf (in the middle of Florida).
Prepared for its amazingness? Check your local listings for Miami Connection in select theaters throughout November. Scene goodness below –