9:05 p.m. - The 85th Academy Awards have come to an end. Check out our full recap here.
9:01 p.m. - Kristen Chenoweth joins McFarlane on stage for a final musical number... because the show is only running a half hour late. The song is an original called Here's To the Losers.
8:52 p.m. - Jack Nicholson to present the award for Best Picture. The Oscar goes to... oh wait, a screen drops down and First Lady Michelle Obama appears to pay tribute to the nominees. Once the clips are shown and Nicholson recaps the nominees, the winner is announced by the First Lady and it is... Argo.
8:45 p.m. - "Our next presenter needs no introduction," says McFarlane. Then he walks off stage and Meryl Streep walks out to present the Best Actor Oscar to... Daniel Day-Lewis for Lincoln. He is the first actor to win an Oscar in a Spielberg directed film.
8:40 p.m. - Jean Dujardin on stage to present the Best Actress Oscar to... Jennifer Lawrence for Silver Linings Playbook. Lawrence trips on her way up to the stage. "You guys are standing up and applauding because I fell and that's nice, but it's embarassing."
8:32 p.m. - Jane Fonda and Michael Douglas on stage to present Best Director. The winner is..., no not Ben Affleck or Tarantino or category favorite Steven Spielberg, it's... Ang Lee for Life of Pi. It's his second Best Director Oscar.
8:26 p.m. - Hoffman and Theron remain on stage for Best Original Screenplay which goes to... Quentin Tarantino for Django Unchained.
8:22 p.m. - Dustin Hoffman and Charlize Theron up now to present the Oscar for Best Adapted Screenplay. The winner is... Argo.
8:12 p.m. - The Chicago cast remains on stage to present Best Original Song. The Oscar goes to... oh wait, we need more music. Norah Jones singing Everybody Needs a Best Friend from Ted. OK, with that side-track behind us, the winner is... Adele for Skyfall.
8:07 p.m. - McFarlane re-introduces Queen Latifah, Catherine Zeta Jones, Richard Gere and Renee Zellwegger (the cast of Chicago) to present Best Original Score. The winner is... Life of Pi.
7:57 p.m. - George Clooney presents In Memorium which includes Ernest Borgnine, Michael Clarke Duncan, Charles Durning, Tony Scott, Nora Ephron, Frank Pierson, Ray Bradbury, Richard Zanuck, Marvin Hamlisch which transitions to a Barbara Streisand solo performance of Memories.
7:51 p.m. - Salma Hayek next on stage to introduce the Govenor's Award winners - Jeffrey Katzenberg, D.A. Pennebaker, George Stevens Jr. and Hal Needham (director of Smokey and the Bandit, among other films).
7:48 p.m. - Daniel Radcliffe takes the stage with Kristen Stewart, limping onto stage. Best Production Design goes to... Lincoln. First award of the night for Spielberg's movie.
7:43 p.m. - Nicole Kidman presents the final three Best Picture nominees - Silver Linings Playbook, Django Unchained and Amour. Clips are then shown for all three films.
7:34 p.m. - Jennifer Lawrence up next to introduce Adele and her performance of Skyfall.
7:32 p.m. - Sandra Bullock on stage to present the award for Best Editing. The Oscar goes to... Argo.
7:29 p.m. - McFarlane introduces the Academy president... two hours into the broadcast. That's how slow this show is moving.
7:18 p.m. - Weird gag that falls flat by McFarlane who admits, "That was a bad joke." He then introduces Christopher Plummer to present Best Supporting Actress. The winner is.... guess who..... yup.... Anne Hathaway. Cue the waterworks.
7:14 p.m. - Wahlberg and Ted remain on stage to present Best Sound Editing, but first, more lame McFarlane jokes by way of the Ted character. Once that is over with, we have a tie with Zero Dark Thirty and Skyfall. The trophy is being cut in half backstage. (kidding)
7:11 p.m. - More McFarlane jokes. "You guys have made such inspiring movies, I made Ted." Mark Wahlberg and Ted then take the stage to present the award for Best Sound Mixing. The winner is... Les Miserables.
7:09 p.m. - Chris Pine and Zoe Saldana from Star Trek into Darkness take the stage to present the winners at the Scientific and Technical Awards.
7:05 p.m. - That musical medley went on a merciless twelve minutes before going to break. There's still 13 awards to be handed out.
6:53 p.m. - John Travolta on stage on stage to present "some of the finest movie musicals." Hugh Jackman, Anne Hathaway, Russell Crowe, Samantha Barks and the rest of the Les Miserables cast join Jennifer Hudson from Dreamgirls and Catherine Zeta-Jones from Chicago for a musical mash-up. The number opens with All That Jazz from Chicago and is followed by Hudson performing a song from Dreamgirls in this continuing trip back in time. Hudson absolutely blows the roof of the Dolby Theater with her voice. A standing ovation follows her performance before Les Miserables continues the Tony Awards, I mean, the Oscars medley with Suddenly.
6:49 p.m. - Jennifer Garner and Jessica Chastain on stage after another flat McFarlane joke about it being Sunday and the Oscars being like church, only everyone is praying. Garner and Chastain present the award for Best Foreign Language Film. The winner is... Amour. There's a shocker. (sarcasm)
6:41 p.m. - Following another round of McFarlane jokes, Ben Affleck takes the stage to present the award for Best Documentary Film. The winner is... Searching for Sugar Man.
6:38 p.m. - Liam Neeson presents the next batch of Best Picture nominees, Argo, Lincoln, Zero Dark Thirty. Clips from each film are then shown.
6:35 p.m. - Washington and Foxx stay on stage to present Best Documentary Short to... Inocente.
6:31 p.m. - Kerry Washington and Jamie Foxx on stage now to present Live Action Short (aka that category you randomly checked a film in). The winner is... Curfew.
6:21 p.m. - Halle Berry on stage to introduce the James Bond celebration that we've been hearing up for the past couple of months. The musical tribute plays like an extended James Bond opening sequence with clips from various Bond movies through the years then transitions to Dame Shirley Bassey taking the stage to sing Goldfinger. The audience gives a standing ovation at the conclusion of the song.
6:15 p.m. - Channing Tatum and Jennifer Aniston on stage to present the award for Best Costume Design. The winner is... Anna Karenina. Tatum and Aniston remain on stage to present the Oscar for Best Make-up and Hairstyling. The winner is... Les Miserables. The favorite of the category was The Hobbit.
6:09 p.m. - The Avengers reamin on stage to present the award for Best Visual Effects to... Life of Pi. Life of Pi effects team taken stage by a mounting Jaws theme, before the microphone gets cut off.
6:05 p.m. - McFarlane now with a series of Quvenzhane Wallis jokes. "So you're happy you got nominated for an Oscar... something a 9-year-old can do." He then introduces the cast of The Avengers who take the stage. Robert Downey Jr., Chris Pine, Mark Ruffalo, Jeremy Renner and Samuel L. Jackson present the award for Best Cinematography to... Life of Pi.
6:00 p.m. - Reese Witherspoon on stage to introduce Oscar best picture nominees Les Miserables, Life of Pi, Beasts of the Southern Wild. Clips are then shown.
5:59 p.m. - Rudd and McCarthy stay on stage for Best Animated Feature. No long exchange here. The winner is... Brave.
5:55 p.m. - Paul Rudd and Melissa McCarthy on stage to present the award for Best Animated Short Film. Following an extended, awkward exchange, the winner is... Paperman. The short played in front of Wreck-It Ralph.
5:48 p.m. - The first award of the evening is about to go out. Octavia Spencer to present Best Supporting Actor. The winner is... Christoph Waltz! It's Waltz's second Best Supporting Actor win, both of which come from Quentin Tarantino movies.
5:47 p.m. - McFarlane with another song, this time Be Our Guest.
5:45 p.m. - Another skit now. This time McFarlane as a flying nun chatting with Sally Field in the green room.
5:43 p.m. - McFarlane introduces Daniel Radcliffe and Joseph Gordon Levitt onto the stage, as they join the host in a soft shoe rendition of High Hopes. This opening act continues to press on. Looks like it's going to be a long night.
5:41 p.m. - Shatner then says McFarlane does a re-enactment of the movie Flight with sock puppets. Footage is then shown.
5:39 p.m. - Channing Tatum and Charlize Theron come out and dance as McFarlane sings Frank Sinatra's Just The Way You Look Tonight.
5:30 p.m. - The show begins with the quest to make Tommy Lee Jones laugh. He does and the audience applauds. Argo's story is so top secret that the film's director is unknown to the Academy. McFarlane continues that, "Winning an Oscar guarantees a long, successful career. Look at Jean Dujardin. He won last year and now... he's everywhere." William Shatner appears dressed as Capt. Kirk in an overhead screen, to "stop McFarlane from destroying the Academy Awards." Shatner says that McFarlane ruins the show by singing an offensive song during the show. Shatner then plays a clip of the song called, We Saw Your Boobs. McFarlane then introduces Channing Tatum and Charlize Theron.