Marrieds at the Movies: 'Evil Dead'—Soggy Girls, Horny Devils and…More Michigan, Please

Every Friday night, Movies.com sends cinephiles (and newlyweds) Sarah and Joe Piccirillo to see a film. Afterwards, they answer a few questions about it. Below is their discussion.

Synopsis: In this remake of Sam Raimi’s 1981 cult classic, five friends head to a cabin where they unwittingly summon demon spirits and spend the rest of the night cutting each other up.

 

Was This a Good Date Movie?

Sarah: If you’ve been lucky enough to find another horror movie fan to ask out, then absolutely. If not, definitely no. No, no, no.

Joe: Yeah definitely not a good date movie. Horror films don’t lead to greater connections in the post-viewing discussion. "When that dog got hammered to death, I thought about how much you must miss your dead dog!"

Sarah: Also, crass misogyny doesn’t really put girls in the mood.

Joe: What if Don Draper does it?

Sarah: Totally fine.

 

Was It Scary?

Sarah: I feel like I have to say yes because I probably only SAW about 25 minutes of this movie and listened to the rest with my hand over my eyes. (FYI: it sounds like eating wet potato chips.) I’m tired of pale, contorted girls with soggy, scraggly hair in their face. I want creepy dolls in overalls.

Joe: It wasn’t scary. Watching someone saw off a body part isn’t frightening; it’s disturbing.

Sarah: Right. I found it visually, but not psychologically, scary. It was more of a gore contest.

Joe: I didn’t feel bad for any one because they didn’t act like humans. If we went to a cabin and saw blood all over the floor or a dead cat collection, we wouldn’t investigate; we’d leave. Or maybe get a pizza. But we wouldn’t sit around wondering why all of these spirits wanted us dead.

 

How Does This Hold Up to the Original?

Joe: I’d heard of but not seen the original. Luckily, a quick search on IMDb yielded the following helpful keywords: "Object in Vag," "Raped by Trees," and "Michigan." There’s bad news for the Mitten State: it doesn’t appear in the IMDb entry for the 2013 version. I think that’s probably why I didn’t like this movie.

Sarah: I did see the original years ago. I remember it being gory but fun, from the dated sound to the special effects. In this one, there were forced laughs at the over-the-top gore, but the movie was pretty humorless (except for one scene with a severed arm and some duct tape). Our audience booed at the end; I think people wanted a fun, interactive, group watching experience, but instead they got a very straightforward horror movie.

Joe: I thought they just wanted more Michigan.

 

What Will You Be Thinking About Tomorrow?

Joe: The level of understatement. There’s a scene early in the film where the main character is held by trees while a giant demon snake climbs out of a mouth and slides up her dress.

Sarah: That’s one of the few scenes I saw! It was very unhygienic. 

Joe: Well, then we see her a few minutes later, and she tells her brother only that "something is with them." She’s very polite about the whole thing. Doesn’t want to dampen the mood. I might say something like, "Trees came alive and held me down. Also, there’s a giant devil python inside me!"

Sarah: Well that would never happen to you in a horror movie because all the dodgy sex stuff is directed at women. You’d think demons, some ancient formless evil, would ride up on everybody, but they only go for the girls.

Joe: I like that the devil goes out of his way to make sure no one thinks he’s gay.

 

Verdict

Sarah: To compare against the original, see it. If you’re excited for a full hour of nonstop gore and gushing blood, see it. If you’re expecting fun and camp, this is not the right movie. 

Joe: Skip it.

Sarah and Joe are writers/editors who live in Boston. They met in a bar and married within a year. They love to argue about early Woody Allen films and old romantic comedies. They both agree to hate musicals. 

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