There’s something you should know. I love Star Wars. My whole family loves Star Wars. Whether it’s watching The Empire Strikes Back for the umpteenth time or running to the Internet as soon as The Last Jedi title was announced (with red font!), Star Wars is more than a thing we like -- it’s a way of life.
We recently took a trip with Disney Cruise Lines aboard the Disney Fantasy for its second annual Star Wars Day at Sea. It really is the happiest place on water. Magic + Force = Amazeballs.
Fandom, however, can sometimes get awkward, like when my diary was hacked by the Empire. They threatened to spread it all over social media, so I decided to own it. Rather than let them dictate the terms of my surrender, I am now sharing everything with you myself.
I have a bad feeling about this...
Dear Diary... can I call you Diary? So I’m on the Disney Fantasy and today was the Star Wars Day at Sea that I was looking for. The day started normal enough, as far as beautiful days at sea go. I was out on the deck, sunning my neck and forearms to work on my moisture farmer’s tan, and then this happened:
That really set the tone. Get it? Tone? You can use that, Diary. Anyway, the kids were having a ball, to the point that they weren’t listening to me or their mother. Then I remembered how my dad always threatened to send me to military school if I didn’t behave. So I sold the kids to the Empire (below).
In fact, they looked like they were having so much fun, at one point I thought about joining the Empire myself. I hear the dental is fantastic.
Needless to say, not everyone thought it was a good idea.
So then we had to find some Star Wars Rebels to rescue the kids... on vacation! What about my tan, Diary?
As if that wasn’t enough, my wife then tells me that Han Solo had been frozen. I was like, “I know... I ate him.” And then she had a bite, too.
It was a pretty amazing day, Diary. Thanks for listening. And yes, I fell asleep dreaming of hope, because that’s what heroes do (there is no try).
So that’s what happened, and the Empire thought that sharing pictures of me dressed as Princess Leia might cause some sort of embarrassment, but that’s because they don’t follow me on Instagram.
As an added bonus, here’s some Star Wars fun on land: After the cruise, Chewbacca and I were messing around at Disney’s Hollywood Studios in the Star Wars Launch Bay, we’re pretty competitive (they say I have Wookiee on my dad’s side), and we were trying to see who was the tallest. Everyone kept telling me to let the Wookiee win, but I didn’t have to—turns out that Chewie is just a bit bigger. I’m pretty sure I’m furrier, though. And scruffier looking.