Critically reviled, tediously paced and garish in every way possible - it's true. Jonah Hex sucks. But if you love bad movies and prefer a film to be either excellent or memorably oderous - then you might find some things to enjoy or at least obsess about...
Here's what doesn't suck in Jonah Hex. As the comic book's scarred Civil War-era anti-hero, Josh Brolin gives it his best effort to be a laconic, droll, no-nonsense bounty hunter. The movie also has some nice, campy touches. I liked Jonah's mini-crossbow guns with the explosives, and some of the bit exchanges of dialogue (e.g. - kid to Jonah on his ride: "What's his name?" Jonah: "Horse").
The bad part is, there isn't enough over-the-top campiness. Director Jimmy Hayward looks like he's going for Sam Raimi's vibe in Darkman and The Quick and the Dead, but the film's severe editing leaves much to be desired. Since the filmmakers couldn't get the mix of humor, character development and action quite right, they instead went for a shorter running time. The whole thing's only 81 minutes - but part of its bad awesomeness is how it manages to make that seem like two and a half hours.
Still, I was fascinated by the weird cutbacks between Hex taking on John Malkovich's Quentin Turnbull (who murdered Hex's family and left him for dead) in the real world, and in the afterlife (something to do with Hex having supernatural powers). Plus, watching Megan Fox try to act in a corset was fun. She's horrible, but she looks great, and you do get laughs watching her play the hooker with a heart of wisdom.
You'll chuckle, too, every time a shot cuts away to skirt that PG-13/R-rated line. There's never too too much blood, and sex scenes...well, no sex scenes, sorry. In a summer of mediocre popcorn flicks, Jonah Hex proudly waves its bad movie flag. If you're not watching good popcorn movies (Toy Story 3) or hitting the indie circuit (plenty of good fodder there), then maybe a memorably terrible one can suffice. Between Marmaduke's shameless dog pandering and Brolin and Fox shooting up the joint, I'll take the latter.
How about you? Or your vote for all-time worst summer popcorn flick? One that still haunts your heat-drenched, humidified summer memories? Comment below!