Halloween is nigh!
Candy and costumes make it the most wonderful time of the year, despite the fact that when I was little we had to watch out for razor blades in our peanut butter cups and basically wore masks made from flammable plastic and carcinogenic paint.
I’ll always love you, '80s.
And while I ain’t afraid of no ghost now that I have littles of my own, there are a few films I was unfortunate enough to see at a tender age.
It would appear my parents had no qualms about leaving me with questionable babysitters – my neighbor friend’s older brother is responsible for most of my childhood fears. And back in the day, rainy school days meant no recess, but they apparently gave teachers the green light to scare the candy corn out of us.
While I’ve managed to get over my fear of Ewoks, I’ll never get over clowns. I don’t even want to say the word. Blame It. And to those folks who find it all kinds of fun to drive around during daylight hours wearing white face paint and shoes 12 sizes too big, no... No, I can’t.
Share in my nightmares, won’t you?
One word: Sloth. And yes, this is the '80s cult classic that puts all other cult classics to shame, but still. Shudder. Sean Astin and his band of mismatched misfits might say, “Goonies never die!” but their misshapen friend is the cause of childhood heart attacks.
As if a creature that looks like a walking bag of skin rolls wasn’t bad enough, he’s an alien who looks horrible in a wig and shouldn’t drink beer. And that scene when he’s sick and slowly turns chalk white? Gah. Nightmares for two weeks, people.
Sure, Gizmo is cute and apparently became the muse behind the Furby craze, but using a microwave after sitting through it was never the same again.
You think you’re going to watch some kind of mildly entertaining space adventure, but no, instead you’re treated to an intestinal anaconda with razor sharp teeth that enjoys making an entrance... through people’s chests.
The title speaks for itself.
Photo credits: Amblin Entertainment, Warner Bros. Entertainment, 20th Century Fox, Dimension Films.
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