August 21, 2011
This Should Have Been A Comedy--It's So Bad Parts Were Hilarious.
Rarely, among the literal hundreds of movies I see on screen each year, do I walk out before the end. This one and only two others in my lifetime bears that distinction. I stayed for plenty though, more than an hour and ten in fact. The first forty minutes were so funny I had to leave the theater twice because I couldn't stop laughing. It was that bad. I thought I might disturb the other person in the theater that seats 800 that was dumb enough, like me, to buy a ticket this piece of film-like non-entertainment. They must have spent a 'gaziliion' dollars on this thing but I'm convinced it must either have been a tax write-off or some hollywood mogul's brother-in-law project. The high point of the whole ordeal was when old conehead, I mean Conan, freed the topless slave girls, who should have kept their tops on because two looked more like boys to me. This was genuinely AWFUL. There's just nothing nice I can say. Don't rent it, don't watch it on pay TV. Stay away. It's toxic.
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