He's Just Not That Into You
After spending weeks flirting with a perfect guy from Match.com, you finally go out. Before the appetizers even arrive you’ve already bonded over your mutual love of puppies, Philly cheese steaks and the NY Mets. He’s perfect! At the end of the night he walks you to your door and leans in for your first kiss and then it happens…. you don’t hear the music. You know, the swell of music that happens during every first kiss that has ever taken place in every romantic comedy you’ve ever seen but didn’t happen at the end of your date. You wonder, what does it mean? Is he not “the one?” Because according to Hollywood, a Barry White song should’ve started playing or at least some John Mayer. So where was the magic?
According to the new movie He’s Just Not That Into You, there is no soundtrack that kicks in at the perfect time, just miscommunication and heartache. Based on the best-selling advice book by the same name, He’s Just Not That Into You dispels any romantic notions that Hollywood has put in your head and dishes out the harsh truth about dating in the real world just in time for Valentine’s Day. Does anyone else think it’s ironic that we need a movie to un-teach us everything we’ve learned about love through… the movies?
Not That Into You explains that when your current squeeze completely drops off the face of the earth, it’s over, so don’t waste time trying to come up with an excuse for why he or she hasn’t called you in six weeks. This isn’t Notting Hill and you’re not Hugh Grant and Julia Roberts; this is real life.
This is the exact opposite of what we learn in delusional movies such as Sweet Home Alabama and Hitch that show even though things didn’t work out the first time, there had to be a reason other than simply that person didn’t like you. Maybe it was just bad timing and since you’re obviously perfect for each other, you’re going to run into that person again and then fall in love and laugh about how it didn’t work out before. Not That Into You is here to say, it may happen to Reese Witherspoon and Katherine Heigl, but it’s not happening to you.
The movies are incredibly misleading when it comes to depicting the ease in which one finds that so-called soul mate. Like, it’s completely plausible that if you live in Seattle and your soul mate lives in Baltimore, a la Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan in Sleepless in Seattle, the world will still cosmically find a way to bring you two lovebirds together. Unfortunately, in the real world of jobs, stress and unused gym memberships you quickly find that nobody in this world is perfect.
Then there’s the contrived “meet cute” encounter between our two rom-com stars – think John Cusack and Kate Beckinsale grabbing the same pair of gloves in Serendipity or The Wedding Planner when Matthew McConaughey falls for his own, um, wedding planner. See, Hollywood has taught us that we must have our own good love story that will blow everyone’s mind. Compared to the movies, it’s kind of a letdown to meet your boyfriend online instead of being rescued by him from a burning building.
Rom-com staples such as Jerry McGuire and Pretty Woman have pretty much set the standard for the unrealistic “Cinderella” love story. That’s because by the end of these movies, the guy and the girl have overcome even the most unbelievable odds to be together forever. Since Pretty Woman, every gal has been waiting for the guy to drive up in a limo and climb up the fire escape to rescue her even though he’s afraid of heights. That’s the kind of sacrifice men in movies are willing to make. So if Richard Gere did it for the hooker with a heart of gold, some guy will do it for you, right? Wrong.
Women can learn a valuable lesson from Not That Into You, which is to stop thinking men will overcome fears of things like heights to prove their love. It’s harsh, but refreshing.
In movies, the characters falling in love always seem to have at least one intense movie moment that leads moviegoers to believe these moments will also exist in their relationships. For example, in Dirty Dancing when Patrick Swayze and Jennifer Grey are cutting a rug, they stare deep into each other’s eyes and in that moment, there is no one else in the world except the two of them. However, real life doesn’t come with an on-set professional choreographer whose résumé includes Justin Timberlake’s last world tour. So when you hit the dance floor with your date at your cousin’s wedding, it’s not going to be like Dirty Dancing. It’s going to be awkward, he’ll be clumsy, and instead of looking into your eyes, he’ll be looking anywhere else and then accidentally step on your Christian Louboutins. Sexy? Not so much, especially since he clearly lacks confidence and he just scuffed your $1,500 shoes.
So if you’re like me and have seen every romantic movie from Notting Hill to Enchanted that have filled your head with heartwarming nonsense like Patrick Dempsey falling in love with a woman who only days before was a cartoon—literally--then run, don’t walk, to see He’s Just Not That Into You. It’s time to be deprogrammed from the false bill of goods Hollywood has sold us about love. Then again, take the film’s message with a grain of salt: its stars are all hot Hollywood actors like Jennifer Aniston and Bradley Cooper, who don’t look like anyone in the real world, and it’s pretty unrealistic to believe that someone isn’t into each and every one of them. Wait a minute, another unrealistic love story? Curses! Hollywood has fooled me again!
Sarah McLaughlin has been writing for various television sitcoms for the past six years, including the hit Fox TV show "That '70s Show," where she was executive story editor. She is currently writing for and co-producing the new ABC sitcom "Single With Parents," starring Alyssa Milano, as well as working as a freelance entertainment reporter/columnist for iVillage and various movie sites.
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